Pharmacy rants (Part 1 of probably too many)

To my dear, dear customers:

How the fuck is it my fault that you...

• have 3 or 4 last names and never give us the right one when picking up your prescription?
• have changed your phone number 5 times since the last time you gave it to us and then expect us to magically have it on file?
• waited 4 days before bringing me your "emergency" prescription then bitch about having to wait 20 minutes?
• don't have your card or any other insurance information but still expect me to know all of the intricate details of your copays and deductibles?
• have been out of refills for 4 weeks and you waited until 9 pm on a Friday night to request a refill then bitch because you have to wait 3 days due to doctors not working the weekends?
• have not seen your doctor in 2 years so they deny all refills even though you "have" to have your birth control pills?
• ate all of your Vicodins at lunch and they were supposed to last you 3 weeks?
• pull up to the pharmacy and look at me like I'm an asshole when I tell you there is a charge and you have NO money with you? Really, how the fuck can you pull up to the pharmacy where you have had a copay for 10 years, and have NO money on you? Did you expect me to fuckin' GIVE you your herpes medicine for free???? Can you try something for me? Go to fucking McDonald's, order 25 bucks worth of shit and then look at them like they are a bunch of assholes when they want their money. If they decide that you must need to have everything for free because you don't have any fucking money then make your next trip to my pharmacy and get some fucking free herpes medicine!