Dad
Thanks to Shell for reminding me that I have not updated my blog. I really haven't felt up to it for an understandable reason...
My father lost his battle with cancer on June 2. Now, a little over a month later I am still bitter and sad about it. I always knew I would be upset when/if either of my parents died but this has been a real bitch. The raw finality of it all is still....a bit overwhelming. I can feel the progress of healing but it is much too slow for me! I'm 37 years old, so it has been years since I have relied on dad for anything more than advice and stuff, but I am only able to think about why I miss him and not why he is better off given the painful cancer he had..... Ok this still affects me a little too much so thats all for today. Stupid emotions.
posted by Vanillahip @ 7/04/2006
3 comments
3 Comments:
It's been over a year and I still get sad. Mostly it's just stupid things - like going to the fireworks show tonight and hearing the 1812 Overture and thinking "My dad would have LOVED this." Or thinking about how pleased he would have been that his 3 year old granddaughter talks about him and can identify him in pictures.
It still seems so unfair that someone who loved the experience of living so much had to die at only 62. And that during his last year, he was unable to do everything he really enjoyed.
I don't know that this is helpful, but here's what it's like after a year. For me, at least.
Actually that IS helpful. I too have noticed little situations that hit me out of the blue. Not just Fathers Day or July 4th (both of which sucked), but filling out applications that ask for "nearest living relative" for example. Or using a tool that he gave me. Or going camping without him, etc...oof emotion hit done talking
I'm very sorry for your loss. There's nothing stupid about the emotions. It's your dad, who raised you, loved you, and protected you. Of course it is okay to feel the loss even if you no longer depended on his advice, protection, etc. My prayers are with you.
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